A Hallmark Christmas

5 Things I Love About Hallmark Christmas Movies

Photo by Jess Bailey on Unsplash

Christmas is coming, this I know. For the Lord has given me a romantic glow. I am not talking about the inner glow that comes from loving someone deeply (although I hope that shows too). I am talking about the glow from a television that is tuned to the Hallmark Channel and plays hour after hour of Hallmark Christmas movies. 

I have thought a lot about this, I really have. And the best part of Christmas is family. But the second best part of Christmas is Hallmark Christmas movies.

I am not even remotely kidding. I have a deep and abiding love for seasonal Hallmark content. On paper, this makes no sense. I am a realist, and with all that is happening in the world today that frequently leads to pessimism. Fatalism, even. I have a misanthropic streak and major trust issues. I can be abrupt and difficult, even with people I love. These may not be the best character traits, but they are mine.

And of all the character traits that would augur against an embrace of Hallmark cheesiness,  there is perhaps the biggest obstacle - I am a cynic. I tend to believe that people have ulterior motives. I speak fluent snark. What started out as a defense mechanism eventually became a lifestyle. I simply find it very difficult to trust that people are being genuine and authentic when they are kind and altruistic. I understand that past trauma has led me to this mindset. And even understanding that, part of that way of seeing the motives of others remains. That doesn’t exactly make me the target demographic for Hallmark.

And I still love those movies. How does that work?

For those of you unfortunates to have never seen a Hallmark Christmas movie, first let me say I am so sorry. You are missing something great and should check one out immediately. They are everywhere from now until Christmas. Until then, I will tell you what the movie is about.

There is a woman. She is named Claire, or Beth, or Elise, or Hannah. It is a name that is modern enough to be cool(ish), but still retro enough that older folks can relate. Claire is living in New York or Chicago or DC (but not LA - too Hollywood) where she works as a lawyer or for a big corporation. That’s when something awful happens. She loses a parent or a grandparent and comes home to help settle things. 

Home is an idyllic small town in the northeast, or the midwest, or somewhere southern enough to be quaint but not so southern it gets Flannery O’Connor scary. When Claire gets home, she will realize that what she thought would be a simple two or three day trip will take much longer. With dad gone, the bake shop is struggling. Mom was never that great with numbers, and they started this new addition to add a coffee shop and Mom has no idea what to do. The store isn’t running, Mom is burning through savings, and there are delays with the new coffee shop addition. Claire goes to talk to the contractor doing the renovation to find out what’s happening and ask for things to hurry up. When she meets the contractor for coffee, Claire realizes that it is Jake Cooper. 

Jake and Claire know each other from school in this small town, and they were each other’s first kiss the summer before high school. Jake went on to be a small town football star, and Claire kept her nose in the books and they drifted apart. Jake tells Claire that he went to college to play ball, but got hurt. After a few years drifting, he realized he had nothing to fall back on. He moved back home and got a job working on his uncle’s construction crew. He soon realized that this was what he loved - building things and helping people. He asks Claire what she is doing now. Claire says she became a corporate lawyer in New York. Jake asks if she loves it. Claire pauses and looks pensive. Cut to commercial.

Jake agrees to speed things along for Claire and her mom. Over the next few days, work picks up on the new, expanded bake shop. Claire and Jake spend time together going over plans and making changes. Claire and her mom are relieved and go for a walk around the beautiful town square where people come up and tell Claire’s mom that they will miss Tom (Claire’s dad). Claire is moved by the outpouring of support. Her mom, Glenda, reminds her that this is what happens in a small town - everyone comes together to support each other. Claire’s boyfriend from New York, Braxton (a fellow corporate lawyer), shows up unexpectedly and tells Claire that there is some emergency in New York and she must return. She says she can not leave her mom. Braxton asks her instead to come back for him. Claire tells him that she knows he wants that life, but she isn’t sure that she does. Not anymore. She bids him a tearful farewell.

Later that night, Claire makes a special hot chocolate that her grandmother used to make for her when Claire was down and wanted to feel better. She slowly realizes that making special things to help people feel better is what she loves. Claire spends more time with Jake renovating the bake shop. She now understands that this is where she belongs. She and Jake kiss in the town square. It starts to snow. Fast forward to one year later… The bake shop is open again, with its very popular - and busy - new coffee shop. Jake and Claire are married. Everyone is happy. Christmas music plays.

The end.

That may not be 100% of Hallmark Christmas movies, but it’s damn sure most of them. Here’s a helpful guide:

The movies are formulaic, predictable, and performed enthusiastically, but not always skillfully. There are no surprises, no twist endings, no jump scares or sudden reveals. There are challenges, but they are minor and always overcome. The boy and girl (and even the boy and boy or girl and girl as Hallmark changes with the times) always end up together. There is always - ALWAYS - a happy ending where every plot point is explained and every loose end knotted. For every waking moment of my existence these are exactly the kind of movies that I can not abide. They are saccharine and cloying, unimaginative and utterly unrealistic.

And from Thanksgiving through New Year’s I can not get enough of them.

Why? Why do I love something that feels antithetical to everything I value in art? Why embrace something so bizarrely earnest?

As I thought about this question I thought about how this newsletter started out - with 5 things. I made lists in the early days of the newsletter. 5 Life Lessons. 5 Lessons from Lockdown. 5 True Things I Can’t Tell My Kids. There are a lot of them. And this week, I am bringing it back. 

Here are the 5 Reasons I Love Hallmark Movies.

Reason #1

They remind me of what is special about Christmas.

Yeah. I know. It was cheesy just to type this reason. But it’s true. Christmas - at its best - really is about families (of blood AND of choice) coming together to celebrate and be together. It is about giving. It is about sharing and hoping that, for a moment, we can find peace in a world of conflict and strife. It is so easy to lose sight of what Christmas can be. And while they may be cheesy and over the top and all the rest, these movies never lose sight of the fact that Christmas is a unique and special time.

Reason #2

In Hallmark Christmas movies, love is still magical.

It is SO easy to get cynical about love. It is even easier to take it for granted. This year, Barb and I spent more time willfully apart than we ever have. Our separation was necessary, and it sucked. Almost completely. And when we reconciled, we promised to see as many of our remaining moments together as we could as a gift, because that is what love is. It is a gift that we are hopefully lucky enough to find. And when we find it, it is magical. It makes our hearts soar. It propels us. In the hustle and bustle of life, and amidst all the stresses around us, we can lose sight of that. Don’t worry. Hallmark doesn’t.

Reason #3

In Hallmark Christmas movies, community matters.

At the center of every Hallmark movie (even the non-Christmas ones), there is a love story. But that’s not all there is. There is also a whole community of people who are looking out for one another, hoping for the best for one another, and supporting one another. When we are at our best, we can do this for others, too. And when we aren’t at our best, hopefully we will find our people - the ones that are there for us no matter what. The ones who sit with us when we cry, and celebrate with us when we are happy. Who don’t try to change us, but always encourage us to grow. This is one of the best parts of being human, and Hallmark gets it.

Reason #4

Hallmark Christmas movies take being a better person seriously.

It is hard to take any movie with puppies seriously. And there are lots of puppies in Hallmark movies. And while the plots are predictable and the puppies a bit much, one thing that these movies share is characters who are trying to find the best version of themselves. They may have had a mysterious challenge in their past, or may be feeling burned out from a high pressure corporate job, but the one thing they share is a willingness to change, to grow, and to embrace the best version of themselves. We live in a self-help culture that often allows us to talk about transformation without doing the real, actual work of changing. Change means leaving things behind. It means changing behavior. It means growing beyond habits. That’s hard. And while it may be a cookie cutter, two dimensional portrayal of change, these movies nonetheless embrace real change. Claire will always leave New York and Braxton for Jake and the bake shop. Always. And that takes commitment to creating something new and better in your life. Hallmark movies enthusiastically believe that we can become better. After all I have been through, I appreciate that.

Reason #5

These movies are a respite.

I can (and do) open my news apps religiously. Multiple times a day I check Apple News, the New York Times, and the Washington Post. I am almost always bombarded by bad news. Wars and rumors of war. Wildfires and floods. Mass shootings. Failing schools, faltering institutions, and corrupt politicians. Leaders who deny or distort reality. Losers who claim the winners cheated, and winners who are so beholden to the interests that got them power that they refuse to meaningfully lead. The world so frequently feels on fire, metaphorically and literally. And I feel powerless to change anything beyond the most narrow of my circumstances. It creates anxiety and stress and a feeling of the most impotent kind of rage - when you are mad as hell and can do exactly fuck-all about it.

It’s a shitty feeling. One that I think a lot of us feel a lot of the time.

When I turn on a Hallmark Christmas movie, though, there is none of that. There is only a simple story, told in a non-threatening way. A story that emphasizes what is good about people, and what can be good about the world. A story that feels as cozy as a sweater, slippers and hot chocolate. Something pure and, yes, something sweet.

There are lots of things that Hallmark Christmas movies are not. They are not gritty or tragic. They are not realistic. They are not scary or violent or traumatic. They aren’t challenging or confrontational. They aren’t edgy. 

And, honestly, I am cool with that. I have had all of those things in my life at some point. I can get more any time I want just by turning on CNN. It’s Christmas and, for fuck’s sake, I just want to believe that things can be better and that world peace is possible. Even if it is just for two hours.

So I will keep watching. I will still occasionally roll my eyes. I mean, I’m not dead. I know Lacey Chabert can’t act. However, I will keep the eye rolls to a minimum. 

Because I know the truth. It’s Christmas. Mariah is singing and lights are twinkling and in a small town somewhere in Indiana (Iowa? Vermont?), snow has just started to fall, and Claire and Jake are walking the town square hand in hand.

And right now, love is spectacularly real.