Love, Actually..... actually

Originally, my plan was to simply post this to my page without sending it out. Then I started writing and decided to share. I hope that was a good choice.

I sat down last night to watch Love, Actually for like the 8th or 9th year in a row. I mean, it’s Christmas and that is one of the best Christmas movies, right?

Only no. Sadly, Love, Actually completely and totally sucks. 

It sucks as a movie. It is a sprawling, convoluted mess that could have used someone saying “no” a couple of dozen times. No to the whole Martin Freeman subplot. No to the many, many instances of men behaving badly. No to women who don’t stand up for themselves and what THEY want. No to casual misogyny. No to the whole white, middle class, and extremely male perspective on literally everything. Just, no.

There are some lovely actors in this movie. I love Laura Linney and Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman and Kiera Knightley and Colin Firth. I think Chiwetel Ejiofor is a brilliant actor. Hugh Grant is Hugh Grant and all that goes with it. And every single solitary one of them is completely and totally wasted in this film. It is like someone went out and bought a 1964 Petrus and poured it right down the goddamn drain. Complete fucking waste.

And it’s not like the actors are wasted in service to a plot. The movie is all over the place, telling vignettes that make no sense, have no thematic connection (beyond unrelentingly shitty men), and don’t even share a common tone or feeling. If you want to watch a movie that consists of interconnected tales that does it well - very well in fact - then I humbly suggest 1993’s Short Cuts directed by Robert Altman. That movie also features brilliant actors including Julianne Moore, Anne Archer, Robert Downey Jr., Jack Lemmon, and Frances McDormand. The movie also explores themes of death and infidelity. And yet, the overall impact of the movie couldn’t be more different.

And before you hit me with the whole “but Love, Actually is a comedy!” bullshit, please tell me which part of the movie is funny. Is it funny when the best man shows up at the home of his best friend and his new wife and declares his secret love for the wife, thereby burdening her with having to carry this information? Is it hilarious when Colin Firth falls in love with a woman who he LITERALLY can not communicate with? Or is it funny when the little boy becomes hopelessly fixated on the girl who shares a name with his recently dead mother? The only time I laughed when watching this movie was to keep from crying.

For a blow by blow breakdown of all that is wrong with this movie, I strongly suggest reading Lindy West’s classic 2013 blog post on Jezebel. It goes into all this, and more.

So yeah.

I sat down to watch the movie last night. Then it hit me. This movie sucks. And every time I watch, it makes me feel shitty. I feel shitty for the characters. I feel frustrated with Richard Curtis who wrote and directed this steaming pile of shit. I feel dumber after watching it. And as I thought about all this, one question kept drifting through my head. 

Why?

Why would I deliberately watch something, or do something, or give my time to something that I know will make me unhappy. Why?

I couldn’t think of a good reason. I couldn’t think of a single reason to voluntarily do something that I knew would make me unhappy. 

So I didn’t watch. I watched A Christmas Story with Barb instead. It made me happy. We watched the sequel, A Christmas Story Christmas. It wasn’t as good as the original (sequels almost never are), but it was fine. Then we watched the first half of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (Gene Wilder remains undefeated) until we dozed off. 

It was all SO much better than watching the entire UK make fun of a normal sized woman for being fat or marvel at pre 9/11 airport “security.” 

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Christmas is a weird time. There are so many demands on our time. So many different tasks to complete. So many distractions for our attention. 

It is easy to find ourselves doing things by rote. Because we have always done them. Because they are what someone else expects. Many times, we don’t stop to ask if it is what we want. We worry about being selfish, or nearsighted.

It’s okay to do what you want. Not all the time, of course. Part of being an adult is recognizing that we have responsibilities and things that we HAVE to do. It’s not always about what we want to do. But that doesn’t mean that it is NEVER about what we want to do. 

Sometimes, it is okay to say no. So I said no to Love, Actually. 

I hope that you can find the things that you can say no to this holiday season. Or the things you can say yes too. Whatever, as long as they are the things that you want to do.

After all, this is the season of peace and joy. Wherever you find them.

Or don’t.

May it ever be so.