Memorial Day Rules 2023
It’s that time again. Memorial Day weekend is nearly upon us.
Sigh.
This is a fun time for a lot of folks. Memorial Day is the unofficial start of summer. It is a long weekend. Lots of barbecuing and family fun. All that is great (although I could do without the mattress sales). If that is your plan, then I support you wholeheartedly.
And, I gotta tell you, for me this weekend is… complicated. Deeply complicated. The fact that my birthday falls on or very near Memorial Day every year adds to the complexity. For the record, my birthday is Saturday. I will be 51. If you want to do something for me on my birthday, then please buy a paid subscription. If you are currently a paid subscriber (thank you!), please make sure your information is up to date. That would be very helpful.
Memorial Day is one of the hardest days of the year for me. It is hard because of what it is, and it is made even harder by the fact that so many don't seem to understand what it is.
To help, I have developed this handy list of Memorial Day Rules. I share them every year. I think that they are helpful, and important. And I hope you will consider them as you move into this weekend.
The rules are completely open. If you like them, then please share this post on your favorite social media. The more people that know the rules, the better it is for many vets.
Thank you.
Memorial Day Rules
Rule 1
Know what Memorial Day is.
Memorial Day is a holiday to honor those members of the military who lost their lives in service. It is not about honoring military service (that’s Veteran’s Day) or those who are currently serving (that’s Armed Forces Day). It is about honoring those among us who have given what Lincoln called the last full measure of devotion, those who made the ultimate sacrifice for their country. Memorial Day is not about BBQs, or retail sales, or the unofficial start of summer. Those are cool, but miss the point. Memorial Day is about remembering.
Rule 2
Remember that Memorial Day is hard for many of us.
Think about Rule #1 and the meaning of this day. For many of us, today is about the people we lost. About Sam and Kevin and Mike D. Men and women who were family to us. Who ARE our family. Lost and gone forever. Don’t wish me a “happy” Memorial Day. Don’t tell me to “have a great day.” It is a long, hard, painful day full of ghosts and sadness and guilt. And also joy and nostalgia and love. It is complicated for many of us. Respect that.
Rule 3
Don’t thank us for our service.
Seriously. Not on Memorial Day. That is not the day. There is a time and place for that (hint: Veteran’s Day). See #2. Would you want someone thanking you for being a parent on the anniversary of the death of your child? Exactly. It’s not about that. Not Monday.
Rule 4
Do something to directly support vets.
SOCIAL MEDIA POSTS ALONE DO NOT SUPPORT VETERANS. Don’t just pay lip service and virtue signal. Do something real to make a difference. Take a vet out for coffee and listen to their stories. Financially support the work of veterans and veteran owned businesses (you could pay to subscribe to this newsletter, for instance). Give to organizations that are making a real difference for vets (email me at combatsnuggles@gmail.com if you want ideas). Get to know vets as people. Don’t just say “happy memorial day! smiley emoji” on Facebook and think you’re good. Because you’re not. Do something.
Rule 5
Know that vets are people first.
The veteran community is not monolithic. We have different backgrounds and politics and ideas. Not every vet responds the same way to every situation. Our service helps describe us. It does not solely define us.
If you have met one veteran, then you've met one veteran. Human first, soldier / sailor / airman / Marine second. Especially on Memorial Day, when the line between person and service member can get blurred by loss and sadness.
A little kindness goes a long way. For the vets in your life and everyone else. We can all use more kindness and love. Goodness knows we need it. I know I do.
Be well all. And have a meaningful Memorial Day.
Take care everyone. And keep pounding the rock.
Thank you for posting every year, Jeff.